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User talk:Dark Depths JR
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:311618|Error: The modification you tried to make was aborted by an extension hook page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 11:45, April 7, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:10, April 7, 2019 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry, but you're overlooking quite a lot of grammatical, wording, and story issues here. I'm going to highlight a few of the errors I came across while reading your story, but it's worth noting that this is not a comprehensive list. Wording: There is a lot of awkward wording here. "Being super energetic may end up in a tragedy", "I attempted to sprint for the exit but he grabbed my arm, then it hit me, just like a kick to the face, it was the man who had stared me deep in my soul earlier, giving me a wide grin and the same gut wrenching stare as when I got on that ride", "Adrenaline had finally kicked in and I lifted up my leg and kicked (avoid repeating words) him in the shin. He shouted "You little bastard!" and let go, moving his hands to his damaged shin.", etc. I would strongly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself to help catch places where your phasing comes off as stilted or unnatural. Grammatical: You have tendency to use grammatically incorrect forms of its/it's. (It's= it is, its= possession) "It peeled it's fucking skin off.", "It's skin got fucking peeled off!", etc. A majority of the issues lie in the story itself however. Story issues: There are a number of events that need focus/explanation. ""Journal", a little knife attached to the back of it along with a mini flashlight and a few hundred pages." Why would these items all be paired together? How exactly did the protagonist manage to bring a knife on the plane with them (He talks about wanting to unpack it while on the plane so that means it is likely in carry-on)? "So, here's the story. I was just playing some handball once all of a sudden one of my friends shrieked in terror and ran away. I haven't seen him since." This needs more detail as it feels glossed over. Story issues cont.: Cut off journal entries/Protagonist who write while in danger are something I covered here. "Well, better read my journal again as this thing tears away at the door. Goodbye" It doesn't make a lot of sense that the protagonist would be writing while in danger (especially when they stopped writing earlier because they saw something traumatic. Story issues cont.: One of the larger issues is that the story feels incomplete which is not allowed on our wiki. Lines like: "How will our main character pass the trial to prove he's innocent?" feel like you're trying to hook the audience in for a sequel, but since the story itself has no real resolution, it comes across as unfinished. There were other issues present in the story, but I think that is enough to explain how it failed to meet our quality standards. I would suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop (link above) as there are quite a lot of issues present. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:50, April 7, 2019 (UTC) There were punctuation, wording, redundancy, and plot issues that resulted in your story being marked for deletion and subsequently removed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:52, April 29, 2019 (UTC) ChristianWallis (talk) 13:31, May 22, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:48, May 22, 2019 (UTC)